Esra Aygin
I am the daughter of a refugee family from
Limassol. I was born five years after my parents fled to the north in the
summer of 1974. Nevertheless, my heart bleeds every time I go to Limassol, exactly
the same way a refugee from Kyrenia hurts when visiting Kyrenia. And how can
one feel so in-place and so foreign at the same time? How can one feel so much
pity, and at the same time, anger towards her parents for leaving their
hometown?
My first memories of Kyrenia have an armed
Turkish soldier at the corner of our street, who used to stick his tongue out
every time I passed by. It wasn’t until years later that it occurred to me to
ask my father what an armed Turkish soldier was doing on our street. Apparently, that was one of the many checkpoints the Turkish army had within cities, where
they randomly stopped and interrogated people.
My family never felt more Turkish than they
felt Cypriot, and resented everyone and everything that caused Cyprus to be
torn apart. Sampson and Denktash the same… Turkey and Greece the same… EOKA and
TMT the same….
While my brother dropped out of university
because he was sick and tired of the Turkish soldier pointing his gun at him
every single morning as he was walking down the street to catch a bus – and one
morning the soldier actually pulled the trigger, which was the final straw for my
brother - I had to recite the Turkish
national oath at school every Monday and Friday and learn Turkish history and
geography. I was not taught about the Troodos mountains, but knew the name of every
single river in Turkey. I was not taught about the shared history of Cyprus but
the Turkish revolution.
And I guess it was around then when I started having my share of
the identity crisis that is so common to all Turkish Cypriots …
“What do Greek Cypriots look like?” I
remember asking my mother; not being able to conceive as a little girl, that
those, who had 'committed so many evils' - as I was taught at school - could look
like human beings.
As I grew older, I found out that Turkish
Cypriots committed many evils too and that Greek Cypriots also suffered
indescribable pain. I found out that there were many more Greek Cypriots, who
helped Turkish Cypriots during the troublesome times of 1963 and 1974, than who
hurt them, and vice versa. I found out that Turkish Cypriots and Greek Cypriots
together, are the real victims of a very sad history. And I realised in terror,
the grave lack of understanding of and empathy about the other side’s pain and
suffering.
Going back to being a Turkish Cypriot… For
the majority of Turks from Turkey, Turkish Cypriots are simply Turks. “I am
from Cyprus. – Oh, so you are a Turk! – No, I am a Turkish Cypriot. – Ok, so you
are a Turk then, no?” the conversation goes. They don’t understand why you
would make a distinction or insist that you are a Cypriot. And this reaction is
rarely ill-intentioned or deliberate, but simply because of a lack of knowledge
and interest.
The conversation with most Greek Cypriots
is not necessarily uncomplicated either. “Where are you from? - I am from
Cyprus. Ah milas ellinika! - No I don’t speak Greek – But why? You are from
Cyprus!” And they don’t do this deliberately either. The intention is not to
discriminate or humiliate. It is a natural reaction often displayed with honest
astonishment and without much thought.
So, I don’t feel like a Turk and I am not a
‘proper’ Cypriot since I don’t speak Greek… Then, who am I?
Well, I know this much: I am a Turkish
Cypriot, who believes that Cyprus should be one; who realises that we all had
enough suffering, and that the status-quo is shameful, unacceptable and a utter
humiliation to each and every one of us. I am a human being, who believes that
all human beings are equal and therefore, Turkish Cypriot and Greek Cypriots
are equal too. I am a pacifist, who believes that we can do much better than
bickering over who is to blame and who suffered more. I am a mother, who
believes that Turkish Cypriot and Greek Cypriot children are beautiful all the
same, and that they deserve much better than this...
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